but what is that spirit

so, this is what I'm in for
every night for the rest of my short life
talking at the windows of the cities
that don't talk back, and worse
demand to be continuously talked to
I have nothing more to say to glass
just a spirit within me that wants to break through
through the panes of world, man, everyday living
it really isn't that easy getting on with people
the whole world is out of the whole mind that we see displayed
that is quite a mind, we eat that mind up
and I want to be of another mind
the one that floats
and listens
and is still
and can sway at night and drink, and think how it wants to
freedom of spirit
but what is that spirit
won't find it in the drink, or the city night, or the chats
but will find it when still and ready to find
I know it won't be like the other ones and that makes me glad
and almost proud
like a father with a special child
proud that the spirit is different and weird and transcendental and hated and magnificent
that is success in the world
and that is what the world weirdly calls the goal
the dream
the end of the road
if at the end of the road I find scorn
but I find the sunrise
give me death in utter, serene happiness of a life that was lived
and was scorned